Money and Marriage Tips

Money is a relatively easy matter to discuss. However, factor-in human emotions and everything goes into a blur. The conflict between money and human emotions comes from the fundamental fact that life is not only about making logical decisions, but also dealing with our human emotions. Money is a common factor for break-ups and broken relationships. So if you want to keep your marriage intact, you better know how to handle it.

So having gone through such problems, I tried to take advice and tips from fellow people who have been in the same situation as I am. Here is what I've gathered...

Set Expectations - Through out my married life, I realized that the conflict often arise from one common source of all misunderstandings, unclear expectations. Unclear expectations and misconceptions are often the cutting knife for most relationships. This is present especially for most Filipinos because we're so used to assuming things... Let me give you an example.

"Kunin mo na yung ano, para ma-deposit na natin sa ano."

Given the statement above, the "ano" is easily assumed as "fill-in the blanks". The proactive way of asking or making sure is often perceived as an attack. We then go on to the second source of problem, the level of trust.

Stephen Covey made an analogy of trust to a bank account. He said that we could be making deposits and withdrawals to other people's emotional bank account. We could be making small deposits but could also be making large withdrawals resulting into a negative balance

Swan Couple
Stop Blaming - Without the proper level of trust, it's hard to talk to your partner about clear expectations. The things that you can do together are based on the fact that you should be working together as a team. Remember that you are one flesh, and as one flesh must make one single decision. Remember that trust is the highest form of human motivation. The less you trust that someone will do their job, the less they'd want to that job. In fact, they'd want to not do it more!

Set Responsibilities - It's often the case that one of you is responsible for paying the bills. However, the wife in most cases is the one who tries to look for a way to settle things. If your budget run short for example, the wife is often the one who looks for a bargain out of the problem. The husband being the provider has set in his mind that he's provided enough and that the wife did something wrong with the budget. This is plainly wrong from my experiences... Husband, try to get involved with paying the bills. If possible, assign to yourself the thing in which you always get short on budget with. Doing this, you'll be able to understand the pain your partner is going through.

Be Part of the Solution - Again, engagement is important. If you're not part of the solution, you are part of the problem. Be hands-on, but don't get in the way. What I mean here is don't go on frequently checking how your partner is doing. I would suggest reporting your own progress, and report positive progress. If you're talking about problems, see to it that you mutually come to a solution. I noticed here that walking away from the conversation makes me part of the problem.

Affirm Your Love - Make each of you feel that you've done a good job for the responsibilities that you've set for each other. It's important to give merit or to give praise for the good things done. Develop a short term memory in remembering your shortcomings. Most important of all, affirm your love for each other as that is what's more important. Remember that you are married to your spouse, and not the money.

"Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins." ~1 Peter 4:8

Photo Credit: Rickydavid

4 comments on "Money and Marriage Tips"
Add Blog said...

Very nice article. Marriage always involves money, either in good or bad situation. Though money is always a reason for fight between marriage, financial knowledge and practice can lead to good result.

Tom@easyfinance said...

Needless to say, very useful tips. Money is extremely important for a proper wedding, in fact you can say both the things proceed simultaneously, but sometimes this monetary issue involves unwanted problems as well differences in a marriage. But acquiring financial knowledge is very important to have a better future.

Gil@FinancialManagementBlog said...

Hi Tim,

A nice post! I have been married for more than 6 years now and occasionally, my wife and I have some misunderstandings about spending and allocation of our money but we easily resolved those issues through explanations and constant communication to each other.

John said...

I like Steven's comment that trust is a like a bank account. That's so true, something for all of us to keep in mind! Thank you!

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